My messed up life
by iice-maple-2now
Summary: Gilbert's life has never been normal. Well your's wouldn't be either if you had mutated DNA. Join him as he tells about the worst days of his life and eventual capture by the government. Watch as he tries to save his family from the hidden evils of this world. Can his peace only be found in death?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Hello peoples of the internet! Just giving you a heads up for my new fic. The first couple of chapters are going to be memories 'cause I'm trying to set the mood. (Probably) in chapter 4, the main plot will be set up and I can do that. So please deal with me for a while. It will be worth it. Another note, Holy Roman Empire's human name is Hans Ray (everyone will call him HR though). I don't like Austria that much so I'm sorry if I portray him wrong. I like cussing. A lot. And yaoi. Don't like either, don't read. I warned you. This is my first fic so please be nice. Reviewers will get kisses from Holy Rome ^^ **

You think your life is hard? Is a pimple on picture day the end of the world? Can't find your favorite T-shirt? Your mommy didn't give you your lunch money today? Boo hoo, so sad. You know what I call a bad day? Waking up starving and knowing there will be absolutely no food today. That happens to me about every other week. Your 'worst day ever' is a great freaking day in my book. Want to know why my life sucks so much? Well too bad. Why should I tell you anything? You're just a perfect little human who will never know what it's like to be me. Oh, you're going to try to understand. Try to walk a mile in my shoes. I don't even have shoes half the time! You still want to know? Fine, whatever, I'll tell you. Just quit busting my eardrums. I have to warn you though; some of you might want to stop reading now. I'm just saying, you can't unread something. I guess I should start from the beginning. Sit back and let the awesome me tell you my tale of pain, loss, and awesomeness.

# # #

Ah, where to begin? Where to begin? I guess I should introduce myself. I am the awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt. A pleasure to meet you my good sir. What do I look like you ask? Well, you can see a picture of me in the dictionary under the word 'awesome'. I'm just joking, but that would be pretty awesome! Okay, okay, I'll stop messing around. If you really want to know what I look like, I'm an albino. You know; pale skin, white hair, red eyes. Yep, I got it all. Being an albino is pretty awesome, except on sunny days. I burn to a crisp. Hey man, calm down. I'll get to my story. Cool your heels; I'm just trying to introduce myself. Typical human, always in a rush. You want to hear my story? Fine, here goes nothing.

# # #

If I could blame one thing for my horrible life, it would be drugs. Don't give me that look; I've never touched the stuff in my life! My mom, on the other hand, was a hardcore druggie. I can remember five, maybe six times, that Mom wasn't higher than the clouds. She did anything; Meth, coke, heroin, ecstasy. Anything to make her forget she was a human being with four sons. The most reoccurring memory in my childhood was coming home and seeing Mom slumped up against a wall, surrounded by a pile of needles or pill bottles. Her icy blue eyes would be glazed over by whatever she pumped into herself and her long blonde hair would be almost brown with dirt and grease. I was the oldest of my brothers, so it was always my job to try to put Mom back together. I can't count how many times I tried to get her to show some signs of life. It was a lot of work to put on a ten year olds' shoulders. The only time she wasn't out of it is when all the money dried up. She always seemed to get more though. Mom would offer herself to any guy who passed her by, just as long as he paid well. That's how my brothers and I came about. Well, technically half-brothers. My brothers and I were always together. A day never passed when I didn't worry about them. Would we have enough money to buy food? Would Mom's sugar daddy beat them while I was at school? Would they be there when I got home? Would the neighbors find out the little boys in the apartment over weren't human? Yes, I said that right. Not freaking human. I'm not an alien. I'm not a vampire. I'm not a zombie. I'm not a werewolf. I'm Gilbert the mutant. Been swimming in the toxic waste? Neither have I. It was drugs, flipping drugs. What scientist would have guessed that taking their new super drug Vacinal would alter fetus DNA. And that's not even the best part. Vacinal is cheap, and I mean super cheap. You can be in your own little fantasy world for days with only one hundred Euros out of your pocket. Guess why it's so cheap. You know the whole mutated DNA thing. Mom didn't know what Vacinal did when she was pregnant with me but she knew sure as hell what would happen when she was expecting my brothers. She could have let them be normal. She could have let them be human! Mother of the year, right there folks. Because of one act, one act that I didn't even do, I'm deemed not worthy of life. Because of a handful of pills, I shouldn't be given oxygen. In the eyes of the world, I'm no more important than a flea. I should be wiped off the face of the earth. My brother Roderich isn't good enough to walk into a store and buy milk. By law, my brother Ludwig can't go to school. Little Hans Ray, who isn't even 10 will never be rushed to a hospital if he's dying in a ditch! That's what drugs gave me. That's what my own mother gave me! You still want to walk a mile in my shoes, go ahead. Give it a try. What, are you too scared now? Exactly, not so tough are you now

###

In my seventeen years on this planet, I've had around five or six worst days of my life. The first was when I was about four years old. Roderich was turning two that day. The only present he got was from me, a little toy drum that I picked up at a thrift store. Mom was with us when he opened it. She was barely high; I had stolen money from her fund to buy the toy and some clothes. Roderick was frantically ripping through the newspaper wrapping paper as I sat on the floor next to him. He squealed in delight when he finally reached the colorful drum.

"Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum." He chanted as he banged his thin fists on the box.

"Yep, it's a drum." I chuckled. Roderich's violet eyes sparkled as he stared at his gift. I took the drum out of the box and set it besides him. He instantly started to hit the toy's surface instead of the box.

"Look at all the animals Roddy." I loved animals and had taught him all the ones I knew. Pointing to the colorful dog on the side of the drum I asked, "What's this one?"

"Puppy!" Roderich happily yelled.

"That's right," I nodded,

"What's this one?"

"Meow meow!"

"Yep a cat, and what's this one?" I pointed to a rabbit.

"Bunny!" Roderich jumped up and down.

"Will you shut the hell up!?" Mom yelled from across the room. I put my hand on my excited brother's shoulder.

"Calm down Roddy. Show me how to play the drum." I taped my fingers on the toy, making a soft 'prum' sound. I didn't really know what to do. Roderich barely ever smiled let alone jump with glee.

"Bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny! Bunny dum! Bunny dum!" He clapped his hands together. I had never seen him so happy in my life. I knew that if he kept making so much noise that Mom or her sugar daddy would end up hitting him. I put my first finger to my lips.

"Shhhhhh, please stop. Sit down with me," I pleaded, "Play the drum for me. Please buddy, sit down." Lightly grabbing Roderich's hand, I tried to pull him to the ground by me.

He yanked his hand away from mine and continued his chant. "Bunny, bunny, bunny, dum!"

I heard footsteps coming from the kitchen. I started to panic.

"Roddy," I grabbed his wrist, "Yes, I see it's a bunny, now come here and sit down." I pulled harshly on the boy's arm and he lost his balance. Roderich stumbled over his feet. I tried to catch him but instead he ended up tumbling on top of me. My arms wrapped around his chest as my back hit the ground. One of my arms slipped off him and my hand hit my face. Roderich rolled off of me and rolled onto the ground. I sat up and rubbed my head as he started to cry.

"Shhh Roddy, it's okay." I crawled over to my screaming brother.

"What the hell is going on in there?" Mom's boyfriend hollered from another room. His footsteps draw near. My eyes widened in terror as I begun to tremble. I wrapped my arms protectively around Roderick's waist and pulled him over towards the wall.

'_Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up'_ I though. I sat the still crying toddler on my lap as Mom's boyfriend walked into the living room. He has a bottle of alcohol in his hand a cigarette between his lips. His olive green eyes scanned the room before landing on Roderich's wailing form. He scowled.

"I thought I told you to keep that kid-" his eyes met mine. The bottle fell out of his hand. I flinched at the sound. There were bits of glass everywhere but he didn't seem to notice. He was staring at me, or rather something above me. "You're…Y-you're…" He stuttered. His eyes were as wide as dinner plates and held a look I had never seen before; fear. Stumbling backwards, he stepped on the glass shards. The cigarette fell from his lips as his boots continued to crush the glass. I was confused beyond belief.

"Is there something wrong sir?" I hesitantly asked. I started to stand up, still holding on to my brother.

Mom's boyfriend pointed a shaky finger at me. "You stay where you are you… you… you FREAK!" He seemed to trip over his own feet as he stumbled backwards and ran into his and Mom's room.

'_What the actual hell.'_ I thought, _'What just happened! I've been called a lot of things, but never 'freak''_. Looking down at Roderich, I saw that tears and snot were still running down his face, but luckily he was silent. His eyes were glued to the door the drunkard was behind.

"It's all good, don't worry." I mumbled to my brother. "He's gone now… I think." His violet eyes met my red ones. Violet soon begun to grow dry and smile. Red was growing more confused by the minute. Violet started to giggle. Red couldn't wrap his mind around anything at the moment.

"Bunny." Roderich giggled. I groaned.

"You're still going on about that dumb rabbit?" A small, thin hand pointed at my face.

"Bunny"

'_Wait…. WHAT!'_ "I-I'm not a bunny." I stuttered. '_He must be joking around or something. '_

Roderich shook his small head. "Gil bunny"

"What are you talking about?" I demanded. '_Has the entire world gone crazy!?'_

"Gil bunny!" Roderich patted my head. His hands hit something. I froze. Slowly, I ran my fingers through my hair. When they reached about the middle of my head, I felt that thing again.

'_It feels like there's something attached to my head'_ I thought, _'but I can…FEEL it, like the thing feels it…like it's…attached…to my head. What is going on!?'_ Still in shock, I stood up and walked to the bathroom like a zombie. Shutting the door, I hesitantly turned to the mirror. I almost fainted. On top of my head were two ears. Two ears, rabbit ears on my fucking head! Rabbit ears attached to my fucking head!

All color left my already pale face. I thought my eyes would pop out of my head. My brain seemed to stop working.

'_I must be dreaming. That's it, I'm dreaming.'_ I thought. In a trance, I brought my hand to my arm and pinched it. Nothing. I lightly slapped myself. Nothing. I started to panic even more. I slapped myself as hard as I could. Hurt like hell, but nothing.

"Why did you do that?" a slightly high pitched voice said behind me.

'_What was that!? What is going on!?'_ I started to hyperventilate. It was just too much. Hesitantly, I turned around. There was nothing but a dirty bathtub. I took a few deep breathes. _'Nothings there, you're all alone. You just imagined it.'_ I reassured myself.

When my breathing returned to normal, I looked back at the mirror again. I jumped a foot in the air. Sitting on the sink handle was a small yellow bird, only a little bigger than my fist. _'Maybe it flew through the window and I didn't see it because I saw the…ears…first.'_ I attempted to be logical. But of course, nothing made sense that day. Looking at the small bathroom window, I saw that it was indeed closed. _'Screw the dream, I'm going crazy.'_ I rubbed my temples.

"You're not crazy!" The voice giggled.

That's when I snapped. It was too much; it was all just too much. Extremely annoyed and confused at whoever was doing this to me, I glared at the ceiling and yelled, "So tell me voice, how ain't I crazy?! There are fucking rabbit ears attached to my head that feel real, a bird magically appears in my house, and I'm talking to an invisible person!" My knees gave out. I collapsed against the tub. I was crazy. I had to be crazy. Slowly, I brought my knees to my chest. I felt the rabbit ears droop. That only seemed to add to my misery. _'This can't be happening. It just…can't…'_ A tear rolled down my face. I felt utterly hopeless. I was so busy with my wallowing that I didn't hear Roderich toddle into the bathroom. I didn't see his tiny hand reach out. He touched my extra ear. I could feel it! It was like the rabbit ear was part of my body, as if I had been born with it! Then I did the most logical thing that I could think of; I fainted.

# # #

That was the day I learned what mutants were. Apparently, I can combine animal DNA with my own. All I have to do is say an animal, touch a part of my body, and voila, I'm twenty present animal, seventy-five present Gilbert. To turn back to me, I just say my name, touch myself again, and I'm as good as new. It took me a while to figure out how to get rid of the bunny ears (and as I later learned I had) tail, and teeth that day. The voice from the bathroom told me how to do it. It turned out that the voice wasn't in my head, but instead belonged to the tiny bird. I fainted again after learning a bird was talking to me, but once I came too again, it explained a lot of stuff to me. It told me what a mutant was, how I became one, and what my power did. Even when the bird was done talking to me, I still though I was crazy. The 'drugs mutated your DNA' thing I understood. I had seen too many times in my short life what pills could do. However, I couldn't convince myself that a piece of poultry was speaking my native language. The thing that really convinced me that I was nuts was the fact that Roderich couldn't even see the thing! He thought I was talking to myself for half an hour before I explained the whole 'talking magic bird' thing. He was too young to really understand anything, though. He kept nodding his head and asking me to grow ears again. Even I didn't understand everything. I once asked the bird what its name was, but it said it didn't have one. I decided to call it Gilbird, after the awesome me. He seemed to like it. I really enjoyed Gilbird's company. He was the only person who I could talk frankly to and who would answer all my questions. He hasn't left my side since the day he appeared in my bathroom. He's always besides me; weather it's on my shoulder, circling my head, or making a nest in my hair. And people wonder why it's always messy! That invisible bird is my best friend in the whole world.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: So I was rereading my last chapter and I learned that I should never edit something at midnight. Sorry for all the mistakes. Like I said this is my first time writing, so I'll have to work the bugs out. Thanks for sticking through all my errors! Hopefully I'll get it right this time. Reviewers will get hugs and kisses from Holy Rome ^^ **

**I OWN NOTHING!**

The second day most fucked up day of my life was a year after I found out what I really was. Mom was pregnant with Ludwig, I was five, and Roderich was three. I tried to hide most of Mom's Vacinal in hopes that my new sibling wouldn't be a freak. I knew that she had taken the devil drug when she was carrying Roderich so I could only wait until his mutation appeared. It took a year, but the dreaded day finally came. I was in kindergarten. I never went to preschool, so this was my first year at school. The government and the majority of the population knew about mutants and passed a few laws making it illegal for mutants to attend school. I knew that, but Mom didn't. I knew the government was the enemy and I should stay away from highly populated buildings. Mom was too high to care. I knew that I would be shipped off to god knows where if I accidently grew a tail during math class. Mom didn't give a fuck. I had to be careful, _very_ careful. If anyone was telling their friend about their new goldfish, I would high tail it out of there. I never played 'zoo' or even 'house' with the other kids, just to be safe. The reading assignments terrified me. They were always about Kim the Cat or Peter the Pig. I regularly refused to read them aloud to the class. What if I scratched my head while I was reading about Dan the Dog? I didn't think my teacher would like her students to be changing into Labradors in the middle of a lesson.

What really made school a nightmare was the fact that I wasn't home all day anymore. Without me there beside Roderich to protect him, anything could happen. Despite my age, my mind was anything but innocent. I knew sure as hell what could happen to him while I was gone. I needed to be there to take the bullet if necessary.

One day when I came home from school, one of my biggest fears came true. I had a half day. I think there where parent teacher conferences, or something. I can't really remember. Mom wouldn't have gone to it anyway. I was walking home through my scummy neighborhood. It was only a fifteen minute walk. When I reached my apartment door, Gilbird flew off my head and into my backpack. I didn't think much of it. When I opened the door, I realized why he had hid. Roderich was huddled up besides the couch, covered in black and green bruises, bawling his eyes out. I dropped my backpack and ran to him as fast as I could. When he saw me, he seemed to cry even harder. I scoped him into my arms and he instantly clung to my neck.

"What happened?" I heard myself ask. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Roderich tried to say something, but only babble came out. A loud crash sounded form upstairs. I decided to investigate. Prying Roderich off of me, I set him down on the couch. "Stay here, I'll be right back." I ordered. He made a sound of disapproval, but didn't make any move to follow me. As quietly as I could, I ascended the steps. I heard yelling. It was coming from Roderich's room. I crept over to the closed door and pressed my ear against it.

"I don't know what happened! Please stop!" I heard Mom holler. She cried out in pain. It sounded like someone had slapped her.

'_Probably her boyfriend' _I thought. He was pretty new, only been around for about two or three weeks. He had crazy blonde hair and I think his name started with an 'L'.

"Do you know what that little shit is?!" L's voice was slightly slurred. He was probably drunk.

"N-no, I don't!" Mom sounded close to tears.

"That kid's a MUTANT!"

My blood ran cold. _'A…mutant…'_ I thought. I knew that Roderich was like me, but I never wanted to admit it.

"It's not that big of a deal, sweetie." Mom tried to coo, "I mean… ah, what's his name… Gilbert is one of them too."

I rolled my eyes. _'Wow, I feel so loved.'_

"That albino's one too!" L roared. Breaking glass could be heard.

'_Yep, defiantly drunk.'_

"Please stop! What did Roger do?!" Mom cried.

'_Close enough.'_

"I don't even know!" L exclaimed. "One minute I was standin' over the freak, the next I'm slammed against the wall with my ears ringin'!"

'_Thanks for screaming to the world that two mutants live here, ya jackass.'_

I'd heard enough. I needed to know exactly what happened and that drunkard was of no use. I snuck back down the steps and ran back to Roderich's side. He was still crying. If I wanted to get any information out of him, he needed to calm down.

"Hey Roddy," I smiled sweetly, "its okay, big brother's here to keep you safe." I sat down and hugged him again. He flinched when I touched him, but quickly relaxed into the hug. Humming a song under my breath, his tears almost immediately stopped. _'Why didn't I try that first?'_

Even at his young age, my brother was a music freak. He'd memorized all the songs I taught him that I learned from school. _'I could play a note on any instrument and he would know it was a B flat on a flute.'_ That got me thinking. _'Maybe he can do something with music, somehow.' _I wondered as Roderich continued to sniff. _'It would make sense; I've loved animals for as long as I can remember.'_

"Um, hey Roddy," I nervously got his attention. His huge bloodshot eyes looked into mine. I resisted the urge to look away. I hated direct eye contact. I always felt like I was being judged. Taking a deep breath, I asked, "Do you like music?" He instantly nodded his head. "Can you…make music?" Another nod.

"Drum." He mumbled. It was still his favorite toy. Come to think of it, it might have been his only toy. I can't really remember.

"Did you just make music? I mean, without the drum." Roderich didn't move for a minute, but eventually nodded. He muttered something again.

"What was that?" I prodded.

He whimpered then whispered so quietly I could barely make out what he said.

"Bass chord."

I didn't know what a bass or a chord was. "What's that?" I asked.

He looked at me as if I had asked him what color the sky is. "It's two or more notes played on the bass cleft that is played to sound together, duh."

'_Well then, you didn't have to be a smartass about it, geeze.' _"How do you know that?" I asked. That was probably the longest sentence I had ever heard him say.

He scrunched up his face in thought "I don't know…I….just do."

Things were getting more complicated by the minute. "Where did the chord come from?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "My hand, I guess. See, like this." He held his hand up to my ear. Ever so slowly, a line of music began to grow louder and louder that was indeed coming from Roderich's hand.

'_It sounds like…' _ "Mary had a little lamb." I said aloud. Roderich nodded his head excitedly.

"You like that song." His innocent smile contrasted horribly with the large bruise covering his left eye. I swallowed a lump that formed in my throat.

"So I guess that's your power." I mumbled. I ran my fingers through my hair. _'Great, my brother's a living music box.'_

"Yep, that's right!" Gilbird chirped from inside my backpack. He popped his head out and flew a few centimeters away from my head. Roderich started to silently giggle, but I didn't think anything of it. The gears in my head were turning as something dawned on me. I looked down at Roderich again and he stopped laughing.

'_What a weirdo.' _"Do you see any, ah, animals anywhere?" I asked. Now it was Roderich's turn to be confused.

"Animals?" He thought about it for a few seconds before he understood what I was asking. "Oh, you mean animals like your imaginary bird?"

I frowned a little. Gilbird wasn't imaginary, but I still nodded my head. His violet eyes traveled around the room before landing on mine again. "Nope, I don't see anything."

I was considerably disappointed. I thought that maybe all mutants had…spirit animals, or whatever you'd call them. That would make having a magic talking bird a little more sensible. _'Oh well, I guess I don't know what Gilbert is. I was sure I was on a lead, but I guess I still don't know what or who I am'_

Roderich's giggling brought me out of my trance. I scowled, "What are you laughing at?"

He covered his mouth with his hand. "You're a sheep."

I felt my head. _'Yep, there are ears there.'_ I sighed, _'Fuck.'_

# # #

**Final thoughts: All the Austria fangirls must want to kill me, making Chibiaustria cry for two chapters straight. Oh well, life goes on. That was my attempt to end on a positive note, by the way. **


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